Greenpeace

Traitor Joe here. I’m greening up my act to save the oceans. I know you probably think this is another one of my sneaky scams, but I swear it’s true. You really can teach an old pirate new tricks.

You see, for months Greenpeace publicly pressured Trader Joe's supermarkets to adopt sustainable seafood purchasing policies throughout all of their stores in order to help save the oceans. The store ranked 17 out of the 20 when Greenpeace evaluated their seafood polices along with other supermarkets. It was clear, Trader Joe’s needed to do better.

After months of hearing from activists and shoppers like you about how important it is to stop destroying oceans for profit, Trader Joe’s finally turned over a new barnacle.

I’ve publicly announced that Trader Joe’s stores will remove red-listed seafood, implement a sustainable seafood policy, and work with third-party, science-based organizations to establish strong, lasting guidelines for ocean protection throughout our entire seafood operation.

I’ve seen the light! And, it’s all thanks to YOU for getting in my face and exposing my bad habits. I’m finally doing my part to help save the oceans with my seafood purchasing policies. Tell Trader Joe's that you're happy they've done the right thing by sending them a thank you note. If you do, it'll bring a ray of sunshine to this rusty ole' pirate.

Now, it’s time to sink my hooks into all the other supermarkets to get them to save the oceans too.

A forever changed,
Joe

 

Traitor Joe here. These Greenpeace activists just won’t leave me alone. Have you seen their new, lame video? They’re traveling to Trader Joe’s stores in California and talking to real customers. They’re just wasting their time. Do people really care if I’m destroying the oceans and then passing the guilt onto them when they purchase the last remaining sea scallop?


Their video asks people to call Trader Joe’s executive Jon Basalone (626.599.3700 x3756) and demand that the store only sells sustainable seafood. Mr. Basalone’s been getting phone calls and emails for months about this and so far, he’s done nothing about it! What a guy. Sounds like something I’d do—ignore the public’s demand while saying that his company only listens to their customers.

Keep up the good work Mr. Basalone!

Insincerely yours,
Traitor Joe

Traitor Joe here. I’ve just returned from my winter vacation only to find Greenpeace is at it again! They’re trying to spread the truth about my greenwashing and nasty seafood polices. Really, why do they care so much about what I do? I’m just trying to make an easy buck without having to worry about the path of ocean destruction that’s left in my wake. When I think about it, I really enjoy selling red list seafood and hiding the truth from the public.


The latest Greenpeace shenanigans are these scallywag student activists. They’re like annoying barnacles on the bottom of my ship. They’re plentiful and won’t go away easily.

They’ve descended on local Trader Joe stores between San Francisco and Los Angeles asking store managers to live up to their sustainable reputation by pulling red-listed fish from their shelves. I hope each store manager tells these young activists to walk the plank!

So what if Target recently announced they’d no longer sell farm raised salmon and that Whole Foods has created a publicly available sustainable seafood policy? Doesn’t bother me! And no one really cares that Safeway has publicly dropped several red-list species and entered into a partnership with Fishwise, a reputable environmental organization. I’m going to continue ignoring the public’s cries for ocean protection.

If my practices are making you upset, then you can either walk the plank too or stop your bellyaching and do something about it. Every time you walk into your neighborhood Trader Joe's, tell them you are disappointed in their seafood choices. And, while you're there, remind them that you don't enjoy the high price of ocean destruction or endless supply of endangered fish that fill their freezers. If you know your way around the internet, you could also stop by the Greenpeace action alert center and make your voice heard.

Insincerely yours,
Joe

Traitor Joe here. Some people think what I do to the ocean is bad. I have a nasty habit of selling red-list seafood in my stores and then deceiving my customers about the truth. I know it's bad for the ocean ecosystem, but I just can't help myself. It's an addiction to being bad and harming critters big and small.



After you watch my karaoke video I'm sure you'll agree that I can keep being as bad as I want to. Don't bother taking action to try and stop me. It'll be a giant waste of your time. 

Insincerely yours,
Traitor Joe

Traitor Joe here. I have two words for you—Re.Diculous. That’s how I’d describe the video I just watched. A lonely fish singing karaoke—it’s ridiculous!

You have to see it to believe it.



Actually, watching that video over and over again just makes my mouth water. That orange roughy looks like a tasty dinner. He’s endangered, one-of-a-kind and I bet he’d taste good with a nice side of cole slaw.

If I could only get my hooks into that orange roughy my day would be complete. He’d be singing the blues and I’d be laughing all the way to the bank. Like I’ve said before, if it’s good for my wallet, I don’t care if it’s bad to the ocean or environment.

Just try stopping me! I’ll find that orange roughy and any other sea life that I can sink my hooks into.

Insincerely yours,
Traitor Joe