Traitor Joe, here! It looks like you Greenpeace activists and Trader Joe's shoppers just won't quit, eh? You're relentless -- calling stores and demanding sustainable seafood. When you're out shopping you question store managers and that really make them feel the heat.

Well, I've been dubious lately. To throw you land-lovers off my trail for a while, I have resorted to telling more lies and being less transparent. How's that for customer service. Ha, ha ha.

You see, within a week of receiving feedback from "bleeding hearts like yerself," Trader Joe's announced that they would consider recommendations published by the Monterey Bay Aquarium in their seafood sourcing decisions. 

But, that was all a bunch of hooey, just something our marketing department came up with, I think. So, Trader Joe's backpedaled immediately afterward, stating that they may continue selling red list species.

Really, they don't have an agreement or partnership with the Aquarium on sustainable seafood.

Check out some of these dumb questions from ocean lovers and shoppers. They are trying to find out the truth, but I'll keep throwing them off my trail with all of the sneaky tools I have in my fishing nets.

Insincerely yours,
Traitor Joe

Ahoy, Traitor Joe here. I’ve been having a good ole’ laugh at all these Greenpeace activists who think they can sing. Truth is, they can’t carry a tune!

Check out these lame lyrics:

I ate sustainable seafood, and I liked it
The taste of saving the oceans

I ate sustainable seafood, just to try it
I hope my friends will also like it

It tasted so yummy
It tasted so fresh

They are so bad, I bet you can't do any better. You land lovers can barely put complete sentences together -- let alone sing an entire song. It's just pathetic.

I'd rather listen to the sound of my fishing boat motoring through the seas pillaging the last remaining fish stocks, than listen to you all sing songs about how I am destroying the oceans.

Insincerely yours,
Traitor Joe

Traitor Joe here. Greenpeace put a widget about me latest catch, Billie, on the interweb.

Now, I don't know what a widget is, exactly. At first, I thought it might be a new type of fishing gear. But, turns out it is a magical treasure that puts my lady, Billie, on any website you want.

All you landlovers are smart as paint! So, even though I figured out how to copy and paste the code into me blog below, you're not savvy enough to share it with your swashbuckling friends.

Traitor Joe here. I figured out how to infiltrate the Greenpeace blogs. Ha, ha, ha. I figure, if I can deplete the oceans with my seafood purchasing practices, then, surely I can mess with the interweb and get a blog or two up on the Greenpeace site. It really was easy.

For your Fourth of July partying -- hurry up and get to Trader Joe's to stock up on red list seafood. My favorite fish, the chilean sea bass is a rare fish. There are so few left. I caught and mounted the last one I caught because it may have been the last.

 

Insincerely yours,
Traitor Joe